April 25, 1999
This past week I have been called a racist. That bothers me. I took a long look at myself and realized that I was probably becoming that which I dispised most in people, someone with a lot of hate. Unfortunatly that is the direction that I was going. MIght still be.
Too many things have happened this past week to ignore that racism where I work is alive and well. I bought into it and became a part of it. I was the token Indian and if I still have a job after Monday I'm going to refuse to be any more.
I should be commenting on the things going on in Europe, or the shooting in Colorado, or any number of other things that have to do with everything else. I could say that the National Rifle Association was the cause of the shooting but that wouldn't be completely right.
I was a member of the NRA for a long time, when I got out of the military several years ago I bought about $4,000 worth of guns. Part of the PTSD I was experiencing according to my counselors. I sold them all off within 4 years after. But the idea was there that I had to defend against someone - anyone.
That feeling was coming back this past couple of weeks. Not sure why but I caught it before I bought any more guns.
I am not saying that guns are bad, just those who use them. Gun laws are not the way to prevent another school shooting, parents becoming involved with their kids is. Finding out what the hell is going on with them and TALKING to them about it.
The NRA is a huge political organization with millions of dollars backing them. If they were to turn their attention toward education instead of lobbying that would help too.
I hope that I am not or will not become a racist. Everyone has a little bit of resentment (racism) towards others no matter what you do. It is human nature. Just becareful that it doesn't take a front seat when you start going through life.
This week's lesson learned is that no one is above getting lost in the shuffle of being human. Creator guided me to this point in life for a reason and now I am guiding myself out of it. You can do the same, talking to someone is a good way to start.
There are no easy answers, just hard decisions.
My prayers to the families of the kids out west and to all those who have lost a loved one to needless violence. It can be changed one person at a time, that is how it started. So find someone after you read this and offer a hug or a smile.
Later.